How I Removed Anxiety by (Essentially) Doing Nothing
How taking a simple action resulted in a complete loss of anxiety.
The cockroaches had been sending scouts for several weeks. I managed to dispatch a number of them each day, but they kept reappearing. One night, I let my guard slip just for a moment - and the invasion had begun. I felt like I was fighting for my life. In the span of a few hours, 12 were dead at my feet. It was war.
I couldn’t sleep that night. I was lying in bed, stricken with anxiety. They were there, crawling around in my kitchen walls and the cupboards. It was upsetting, and I couldn’t stop brooding over it. After hours of lying awake in bed, I decided to escalate the situation. I whipped out my phone, tapped my way to the local hardware store and ordered some tools to deal with my creepy-crawly problem.
Nothing had changed, yet it felt like everything had.
The cockroaches were still living their best lives; however, I noticed a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. A massive sense of respite; finally, I can get some sleep.
After I ordered the fumigation packs, my feelings of relief were not subtle; they were immediate and palpable. I had to find out why.
It’s all about certainty. And let me tell you - we love it.
When we as humans can predict the future, we can plan accordingly; we know what to expect, and we can’t be taken by surprise. All of this is an evolutionary benefit because it leads to a conservation of energy. Whereas uncertainty requires us to think for ourselves - someone else doesn’t know the answer, therefore, we have to exert energy to figure it out.
By taking action, I transitioned from a state of powerlessness to regaining a sense of control - from uncertainty to certainty.
For me, the future was no longer ambiguous. I knew what was going to happen. My thought process went from “I don’t know what to do, what if it gets worse, how am I going to handle it?” to “The fumigation packs will arrive, I will use them, and the bugs are going to die”. Despite my literal situation remaining unchanged, I had taken a step in the right direction.
A simple action was all that was needed to let certainty back into my life. The feelings of reassurance flooded in instantly.
I figured, why can’t this be applied to other aspects of our lives? Next time you feel you’re not in control of something, take a small step toward putting your hands back on the wheel. Even if you can’t do anything yet, looking toward a solution will make you feel better.
Don’t know where to start? How about writing a list? Try the ‘when, what and how’ formula I just made up.
-Tomorrow, 10.30 am (WHEN), contact Friend and ask if they know a good lawyer (WHAT) via phone call (HOW).
-11 am, if no help from Friend, search for the number of a local lawyer using Google on family laptop.
-11.30am, make lunch using leftovers from fridge.
-12pm, ring lawyer.
There’s your plan and, along with it, your certainty.
If someone needs reassurance because of something that’s just happened to them, describe to them how the immediate future will play out. Walk them through what’s going to happen in the coming minutes, and slowly extend out into the future. Pulling someone into the present with a well-laid-out path for the future makes anyone feel better.
My guess is the more specific you are, the better everyone will feel because the future becomes more certain.
So the next time you feel anxious or uncertain about something, take action. Even if nothing physically changes about your situation (such as with my roach problem), you will feel better on an emotional level.
Now that I’ve covered the most important part of this post, I thought I’d briefly go over a couple of the other questions I had - I wouldn’t want to leave you still curious, would I?
Trouble Sleeping
Why was my sleep affected once I learned of my cockroach problem?
Our minds continually scan for threats while we are trying to sleep. This is a leftover evolutionary trait from when we used to sleep outdoors. Normally, this isn’t a problem, but because I learned of the severity of my cockroach problem, it triggered a state of hyper-vigilance. “What if they crawl on me in my sleep?” “What if they’re above me right now?” - these sorts of questions plagued me. My mind couldn’t quieten down because it was trying to protect me.
I had lost control of my environment, and my safe space felt violated by some disgusting insects.
Feelings of Disgust
Which got me thinking, why do we have feelings of disgust toward cockroaches? To start with, they’re kinda creepy. They have long, twitching antennae. They scurry around rapidly, disappearing into cracks, only to reappear unpredictably when you pick something up. They feel like they can be anywhere.
They’re linked to death, decay and disease. They’re commonly found scavenging in rubbish or eating dead things. These feelings of disgust arise so we know to avoid cockroaches; disgust is designed to protect us from germs and other nasties that could harm us. If we didn’t develop feelings of disgust toward certain things, then we’d have a higher chance of getting sick, thus lowering the chance of survival.
For me, I see the world through an evolutionary lens, so I always try to make sense of reality in terms of survival. I find it fascinating. And the feelings of disgust fit perfectly within.
As I’ve grown, I’ve discovered it’s beneficial to step back and take note of my feelings, what causes them, and what alleviates them. This can help you understand yourself and what you can do in the future when you find yourself in similar situations.
I didn’t realise until now that taking even the smallest of actions can help reduce suffering when you’re caught in an anxious mood. Just find the smallest step you can take toward fixing your problem and do it, this removes some of the psychological burden that’s placed upon your shoulders, making you feel better as well as giving you a clearer mind to make better decisions. I suppose taking a step in a direction - any direction - is better than spinning round in circles, wondering which way to go.
You’re no longer lost because you’ve removed uncertainty.